Week 7.5: This is what happiness feels like

Just got home from a great weekend. Went to a nice resort recommended by my Sister, who has stayed there a couple times.   I expected the weather to be cool according to the forecast, but I was delighted when I arrived about 2pm and it was 75 degrees!  Unfortunately, I didn't really pack accordingly.  I was wearing jeans and Ugg boots!  I thought about buying something but I was certain I wouldn't be able to find anything to fit me.  To my surprise, I was wrong.  I was able to get a cute little (?!?) sundress and it FIT!  And....wait for it because this is important....it was NOT a plus size!    Oh happy day!!!!

I was pretty proud of myself for being able to navigate thru the food choices I was faced with this weekend.   I had one small bite of a chocolate covered strawberry.  I also had about a 1/4 glass of wine.  For lunch, I had one tiny piece of  fish, (without the breading) and instead of fries, I ordered edamame. (protein, protein, protein).  I went to a wonderful restaurant last night in the hotel and ordered crostini (I had one small piece w/roasted garlic, goat cheese, olive tapenade and artichoke hearts)   I will post a pic below of me before I ate it.  It's funny to see me with such a huge plate of food in front of me.  I didn't even eat 1/4 of that.   I had about 4-5 bites of that.  At least I am a cheap date now.   The food was delicious and I tolerated everything really well.  I didn't overeat or feel miserable and that was my biggest concern.  Beautiful night.  Perfect weather.

This morning I slept in, had breakfast in bed (a fruit/yogurt plate) and watched "The Decendents".  Later, I walked on the beach before heading home.

The best news of all....as of today, I have lost 50.4 lbs.     

Week 7: OnePOINTSix pounds away

I couldn't think of a title but that sounded good.  I'm feeling better than ever in week 7.  The weight loss has slowed down a bit.  I am still 1.6 lbs away from meeting my first 50lb goal.  I see the surgeon tomorrow and I had hoped to be there by then but we'll have to see.  I really need to get my ass to the gym but it hasn't happened recently.  It seems there has been something happening every night this week (and last week, and the week before that)  BUT...I have put it ON MY CALENDAR for March 11th, and every night thereafter.  I plan to go before March 11th of course, but that is the date of the start of Daylight Savings time and if it's on my calendar, it's a lot more likely to happen.  It won't feel like getting home at Midnight if I get home at 7pm.  Yay.  I finally have a little bit more energy and am feeling better than I have previously, so I know the time has come to get serious about the excercise.

Last night was my Support Group and I was really looking forward to it.  I was a little bit disappointed though because instead of the usual fare, where people talk about their experiences, there was a surgeon there who did a power point on plastic surgery options for people who have had bariatric surgery.  I have to admit, it was very interesting to see the before/after photos and the amazing difference it can make, but now I have to wait a whole month for the next group and what I get out of that time of sharing.   I think about all the things I would like to fix after I am done losing all my weight, but plastic surgery scares me.  The recovery just looks super painful and I don't know if I could do it.  Also, I think if you fix one thing you would want to fix everything.  Still thinking about it though.  I wouldn't do anything until possibly next Summer anyway.  Have you ever seen that show, "My Strange Addicition?"  There is a woman on there so addicted to having boob jobs that she has had over 20 of them and now has 38KKK boobs!!!  She cannot hold her baby or tie her own shoes BUT she was in a car accident and they saved her life.  So, there is that.

Food continues to be challenging.  I honestly don't feel like I'm eating enough and I know I am not getting anywhere even close to the amount of protein I should be getting in a day.  I will address this tomorrow with my surgeon and see what he suggests.  I am just so disinterested in food.  Still very thirsty all the time too.  Doing better with getting the vitamins in but they still haven't started me back on the calcium and iron.  I have found a trick to get my multi vitamin in...I eat a handful of walnuts at the same time and it masks the chalkiness of the vitamins.  In fact, I eat a lot of nuts.  The Doc told me to measure out 1,000 calories of nuts and eat them throughout the day.  I don't eat anywhere near 1,000 calories, but I might eat 500 calories of nuts.  Thats a good thing because I probably only eat about 400 calories of food, if that.

More and more people are coming up to me and saying they are following the blog.  It's great to hear that.  While I write in here for me so that I can look back and see how far I've come, I also write in here for the support and the encouragement that keeps me motivated through the good times and the difficult times.  So thanks to those of you who comment and also those of you who just let me know that you read and are following along.

I've been posting a lot of pics of myself lately on Facebook.  I'm kind of getting sick of my own face, to be honest, but I have to admit that it's kind of cool to see the changes.  So thanks for indulging me a little bit and now I will leave you with this....where the hell does one find a 38KKK bra?

Week 6: FORTY-SIX pounds gone forever.

Sweet Melissa asked for a blog and so a blog she shall get.  I have actually had all good intentions to write several times this week but it seems something has been going on almost every night and by the time I sit down to write, I just don't have the energy.  But here I am now, and it made me feel very good that someone actually enjoys reading this stuff enough to ask me to post something, so thank you, Melissa!  :)

Where to begin?  Well, as my title says, I have lost a total of 46 lbs.  That bears repeating.  FORTY-SIX pounds.  Crazy.  It's hard for me to wrap my brain around that.  I had to go shopping for a new bra a week or so ago.  That was an adventure, to say the least.  I went to Macy's and asked if they measure because I wasn't really sure what size I am now.  I just knew that my current bra was getting way too big for me.  Now, I have had big boobs my entire life.  I was a 36C in 4th grade!  Even when I was thin, I've always been, shall we say, extremely well endowed.  Even so...I almost fainted when the sales woman announced that I was a size 40G!!  Yes, you read that right.  "G" as in "GOODGOLLYMISSMOLLY!!!"  She might as well have told me I was a 40W as in "WHATYOUTALKINBOUTWILLIS???"  Anyway....the sales girl was an idiot. I tried on a 40G and it was ridiculous.  NOT MY SIZE AT ALL.  I am a 42DD.  I've always said DD is more than just my initials.  :)  I'm actually looking forward to being a C cup again someday.  There are so many cute clothes that just don't look right when you have DD's.  Just sayin'.

It is actually fun to get dressed in the morning now.  I have a few things in my closet that I haven't worn for several years because they were way too tight in the waist or the boobs and now they are actually too big.  I have lost 3 sizes and soon I will have to go shopping but I've been trying to put it off as long as possible.  Those of you on Facebook know I changed my hair color, started doing my nails again and tonight I even had my teeth whitened.  It's been nice to take care of my appearance again.  It makes me sad to think I had come to a point with my weight that I just felt like no matter what I did, nothing helped.  Now, I enjoy taking care of myself.  I never want to get to a point where I feel that helpless again.

Here are some before/after face pics:

Taken in August with my two BFF's from High School

Taken in May in Cancun

Taken 12-31-11  A couple days before my surgery.

Taken today after my teeth whitening appt

Hey ya'll, I have only ONE chin!!  Pretty cool, no?

The food stuff is still challenging at times, but I try not to overthink it.  As long as I eat protein with every meal and eat what I can, then I consider it a success.  My next appointment with the surgeon is next Thursday and we will see what he says then.  For now, I feel good....and I am SOOO close to ONEDERLAND, I can taste it.

Week 5: A Work In Progress

Sometimes it seems like it can't possibly have been 5 weeks since the surgery and other times it feels like so much longer.  I have been trying to eat a few more calories this week as recommended by my Doctor, but I still feel full after only about 3 ounces.  Evidently this is normal.  An example of what I ate today:

Breakfast:  One piece of Deli Turkey, spread with one wedge of Laughing Cow cheese and wrapped around several spinach leaves and a roasted red pepper.

Lunch:  About 2-3 oz of bean soup w/turkey meat and melted cheddar.

Dinner:  1/2 boneless, skinless chicken thigh, one tablespoon of jasmine rice.

Snack:  A couple handfuls of cashews and shelled sunflower seeds throughout the day. (as recommended by my Doc to get a few more calories and protein in.

The nausea has finally subsided <-- cue the harps and the singing angels!  I finally can eat a very small meal and not feel like hell for 30 minutes afterward.  I am still having some issues with dry mouth but today I bought some Biotene Oral Rinse and it seems to help somewhat.  Overall, the problem has improved.  However, sometimes I feel like I am literally dying of thirst.  I was in the market tonight and I had to grab a bottle of water and open it before I paid because there was no way I could wait to drink something.  The Doc told me to try hard candies but I keep forgetting to buy some.  Note to self:  BUY HARD CANDIES, STUPID!

I had a couple missteps this week that I learned from:

1.  The Doc told me I could eat pita bread with hummus if I wanted.  Delightful!  Or not.  I ate one little tiny piece and then I got nervous and decided just to eat the hummus off the bread.  A short while passed and I suddenly realized that the pita bread was stuck.  It hurt like hell.  I didn't know what to do.  Poor Tim was trying to rub my back because I was in such discomfort, and it simultaneously felt good and miserable because I couldn't stand to be touched.  I knew that the pita bread was going to have to come up because it wasn't going to go down.  I was very afraid because I have not vomited at all since surgery.  Not that anyone ever wants to vomit but it's very scary after you've had this type of surgery.  Luckily, I was able to get it to come up without any fanfare and as it turns out it wasn't as scary as I thought because it wasn't coming up from my stomach.  Weird.  I thought I would feel better after, and I did for about 20 seconds, but then I felt miserable again.  I stood up to head back into the bathroom and when I did, it must have finally went down because I felt immediate relief.  That is a mistake I won't make again.

2.  Superbowl was a big day.  My Mom made a huge buffet of appetizers and food for everyone to graze on all day.  I made one very small plate of cheese, hummus, vegetables.  (That was lunch)  Later that early evening I had ONE small baby back rib, 4 pieces of bow tie pasta salad, and about a table spoon of green salad.  It took me forever to eat it.  I even had 2 tiny bites of an apple pie made w/splenda.  (I tasted the apples only)  Later, everyone kept saying how good my Dad's coffee was, so I decided to have a cup.  I didn't even think about it when I poured in the vanilla coffeemate.  Huge mistake!  Although the creamer was fat free, it was not sugar free and it made me feel awful.  I felt sick to my stomach the whole way home.  Another lesson learned.

I take an annual trip to Vegas each year with my BFF and we chose our dates today.  Early August, which means we will be poolside pretty much the whole time.  I'm excited to see what size I will be then.  My Sister is getting married in late September and going shopping for a dress might actually be fun instead of torture.

I go back to the surgeon tomorrow for more blood work and check in so he can see how I'm doing.  5 weeks in and although I am still learning how to navigate my way thru this new life, I think I might be getting the hang of it.

4 weeks

Today is February 3, 2012.  My surgery date was January 3, 2012.  One month feels like a lifetime ago.  I saw the surgeon yesterday because I was feeling nauseaus everytime I ate a meal.  I had asked to be referred back to the Nutritionist but he was worried I wasn't eating enough and they wanted to go over my blood results with me from when I was in the hospital a week or so ago due to the flu.  I was particularly struggling with getting all my calcium and iron in.  The supplements were gagging me and it was making the nausea worse when I had an empty stomach.  My mouth tasted like one big vitamin all the time.  Ugh.

Thank the Lord Baby Jesus that my wise and all knowing Doctor understands what I am going thru and said that after checking my levels, I can skip the iron for now and the calcium too.  I can take the B12 every other day because my B12 levels are actually high.  I know this will only be temporary until I can get the nausea under control but I am thrilled to have this little reprieve.  I do have to take Thiamin (sp?) which is essentially B1 but it is a pill I can swallow.  I also have to take a prescription prilosec (again in a swallowable pill form, thankfully) and a stool softener for obvious reasons of not getting enough fiber.  Ouch.  Along with all that I take two chewable multivitamins and a vitamin D.  Before the surgery I took absolutely no medications which is actually a miracle considering how heavy I was.  It is very odd to me to have this whole counter full of meds now.  I know they are essential though so I will follow Doctors orders and do as I am told.

They gave me a shot in the ass yesterday too.  It was Thiamin and it hurt like HELL.  I am a trooper when it comes to shots usually.  I previously mentioned that in the hospital I was getting shots in the stomach of Heprin every few hours.  No problem.  But that shot yesterday burned so bad.  It actually made me cry.  It burned for a long time afterward too.  No bueno.

The Doc thinks I am losing weight just a little too fast.  I've lost a total of 41 lbs.  26 of those in one month.  When you lose the weight too quickly you also lose muscle and the skin can't really have time to catch up.  For the next 4 weeks he wants me to eat some things that are a little higher in calories.  Like nuts, toast, etc.  I am having a hard time wrapping my brain around eating bread when I've been staying away from it for months.  He even said I could have pasta.  I thought that would thrill me but it scares me in a weird way.  I know it's just a mental thing because 4-5 bites of pasta (which is really all I eat) isn't going to break me but so much of the food portion is mental for me.  I have to think on this.  I definitely don't want to lose muscle and I want my skin to have time to catch up to the weight loss, so I need to keep that in mind and try to get out of my head a bit.

I changed my hair color last night.  I went back to my natural dark brown.  Love it.  It definitely suits my eyes and skin tone much better.  I recently started getting my nails done again after many years too.  It feels good to care about how I look.  For several years now I felt so bad about my body that I just really didn't give a shit sometimes.  Now, I look forward to getting dressed and seeing what will (or won't) fit.  Only this time if something doesn't fit, it's not because it's too small.  It's because it's too big.  Weird.

I had a conversation last night with someone who is a friend.  She is reading the blog and strongly considering the surgery.  I know I write a lot in here about some of my frustrations or struggles but I hope that people realize that I do not regret my decision for one second.  It is the best thing I have ever done for myself.  The results are paying off already and every day is a thrill for me when people comment or notice that I look and feel (overall) so much better.  This was major surgery and I think I have been very fortunate to have not had any major complications but it is not always easy.  As I said before though...it is definitely worth it.

For those of you who are not on my Facebook, I have been asked to post another full length photo and I'll also include one of the new hair color.  Thanks to all of you who are out there supporting me.  Have a great weekend.