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| 10 days post op. January 13, 2012 |
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| January 3, 2012 Right before going into the O.R. |
Monday, January 30, 2012
Saturday, January 28, 2012
40 pounds gone...
Feeling better today. We went out to chinese food last night. I was able to eat a few sips of won ton soup, about a teaspoon of rice, a half a prawn and one little piece of chicken. I felt like I ate 22 lbs of food afterward but I did not feel nauseous after. Progress!
What a gorgeous Spring-like day it was today. The air smelled good. The windows were open and there wasn't a cloud in the sky.
I am down now a total of 40lbs. I went for a walk with my Parents this afternoon and my mom kept commenting how she couldn't believe how much more stamina I had. Yeah, try strapping a 40lb bag of concrete on your back and then see how far you can walk without it hurting. I can't wait to get another 40 off to see even how much better I will feel then.
Tim and I attended a Memorial Service today for a friend and former employer of mine from many years ago. When getting dressed, I was having a hard time because all my pants are huge. Even though I can still technically wear them, I feel like they make me look bigger than I am because they are so baggy in the legs and the butt. It's strange to want to wear something more form fitting. Before I was allllll about trying to camouflage everything. It was nice to see a few people at the services that I don't get to see very often. I wish it had been under a different circumstance though. Many people mentioned that they had been following along and reading the blog and that made me feel good. It's so nice to have this community of people cheering for me and wanting to see me succeed. It is very motivating.
The Memorial I attended today is the second Memorial service this month. Both of the people who have passed were only in their 40's, with so much to live for and so much life ahead of them. Moments really are precious and time passes much too quickly. It sounds cliche but it really is true that if we don't have our health we have nothing. I look at my kids, my Parents, my Siblings, my Husband, my closest friend and myself. I realize how very blessed we are. I realize that though this process has been quite difficult and frustrating at times, this is all something that will pass. I am not ill. In fact, I have most likely prolonged my life by quite a few years. I need to remember that the next time I want to complain.
It probably won't stop me of course, but I really will remember.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Weak 3
Like my little play on words? Week/Weak 3. Yesterday was 3 weeks post op and I spent the evening as a guest at the Hotel Dominican Hospital Emergency Room. Not exactly my idea of a 5 star resort and it certainly was not an enjoyable experience. The past week or so I have really been struggling with food. The Doctor cleared me to eat more solid food but for some reason everything I eat makes me nauseous after about 3 bites. It's definitely been a difficult to get enough nutrition, let alone knowing I must get enough protein (first and foremost) and fiber (a must!) and now it looks like I am very low in potassium. Ugh. On top of feeling nauseous every time I eat, I am also disinterested because everything tastes gray to me. Nothing has flavor. No matter what I do. I am sad that I get no enjoyment from food anymore. It would be great if I actually enjoyed the 2-3 bites of food I do eat, but I don't. The Doctor says this will pass and I suppose it will, but it currently feels like this has been going on for years instead of weeks. If you saw how much food I have been able to consume per day you would wonder how I am able to even stand up. I do feel weak and I don't have a lot of energy at all. That is super disappointing because I want to be able to go to the gym and so far I've only gone once. I just am physically depleted.
So on Monday evening my Daughter came down with the stomach flu. She was violently throwing up (and throwing DOWN at the same time, if you know-what-I-mean) for hours. I was in the thick of it, all hands on deck because I had no choice. She needed my help. Needless to say, I did NOT need the stomach flu on top of what I am already dealing with, on top of the fact that my pouch is still healing. Tuesday, I felt like crap. Partially exhausted, partially terrified that my stomach was in for it. I was mentally trying to psych myself up that I was NOT going to get sick. I called my surgeon to ask what I should do and they advised me to go to the Hospital if it started to get on an IV right away of fluid and anti-nausea meds, plus vitamin B12 if necessary.
By 7pm, I had eaten no more than 2 bites of cream of wheat, and a piece of cheese all day. I was extremely nauseous, like head-in-a-bucket, nauseous. Tim had to pick our son up from wrestling practice and our daughter still wasn't feeling 100% . I called the hospital and they said to come right down as there wasn't a full waiting room and they would be able to get me right in. Terry came to take me and I swear, the mind is a powerful thing because although I could feel the hounds of hell threatening in the back of my throat the whole ride there, I was able to keep it at bay out of sheer will. We arrived in the ER about 7:30 and I FINALLY got into a room by 10pm. So much for no waiting.
They stuck me in a tiny back corner on a gurney and drew the curtain. Next to me they put a guy who is evidently a dope fiend who is a regular in the ER and was causing quite a commotion. Meanwhile, the nurse was trying to start my IV and blew out my vein. Great. I just finished healing from all the bruising I sustained 3 weeks ago after getting poked constantly. She tried the other arm and finally got a viable vein. They started the saline and the Zophram (anti nausea) and brought me some warm blankets. Tim arrived and relieved Terry and then we waited for the Doctor. We waited....and waited.....and waited. Luckily, my roommate Raul, was not successful in getting his drugs and was kicked out for making a disturbance. The Doc came in around Midnight to review my bloodwork and said I was very low on potassium so he wanted to start an IV drip of that. We thought the nurse would come in to get it started right away but that took another 40minutes or so and when she started the IV she said that potassium tends to burn in an IV so they put it in very slow and it was going to take at least 2 hours. Poor Tim! We were both so exhausted from being up all night the previous night with our Daughter and he had been up since 4:45am. Last night he was already working on 19 hours. I told him to just go home and set his alarm to come back around 2am. He did but he wasn't able to sleep. I tried to sleep a little bit but the ER isn't the quietest place and the gurney isn't exactly a Sleep Number bed. The potassium did indeed burn going in but I tried not to think about it and handled it the best I could. At one point I started feeling nauseous again and they gave me another dose of Zophram. Finally got to go home around 2:30am and immediately crashed in my nice warm, comfortable bed.
Today, I haven't felt nauseous. Just exhausted and trying to get some food in. Ate a few bites of egg for breakfast. A banana, raspberry, non fat milk smoothie (maybe 2 oz) for lunch. My surgeon asked me to not drink water for now, but to make sure all my liquids have calories. (Gatorade, milk, broth, etc) They called in a prescription for something that I should take 20 minutes prior to eating that makes my pouch relax and take in a little more food. Right now the goal is just to get some nutrition in me. Stay tuned...
So on Monday evening my Daughter came down with the stomach flu. She was violently throwing up (and throwing DOWN at the same time, if you know-what-I-mean) for hours. I was in the thick of it, all hands on deck because I had no choice. She needed my help. Needless to say, I did NOT need the stomach flu on top of what I am already dealing with, on top of the fact that my pouch is still healing. Tuesday, I felt like crap. Partially exhausted, partially terrified that my stomach was in for it. I was mentally trying to psych myself up that I was NOT going to get sick. I called my surgeon to ask what I should do and they advised me to go to the Hospital if it started to get on an IV right away of fluid and anti-nausea meds, plus vitamin B12 if necessary.
By 7pm, I had eaten no more than 2 bites of cream of wheat, and a piece of cheese all day. I was extremely nauseous, like head-in-a-bucket, nauseous. Tim had to pick our son up from wrestling practice and our daughter still wasn't feeling 100% . I called the hospital and they said to come right down as there wasn't a full waiting room and they would be able to get me right in. Terry came to take me and I swear, the mind is a powerful thing because although I could feel the hounds of hell threatening in the back of my throat the whole ride there, I was able to keep it at bay out of sheer will. We arrived in the ER about 7:30 and I FINALLY got into a room by 10pm. So much for no waiting.
They stuck me in a tiny back corner on a gurney and drew the curtain. Next to me they put a guy who is evidently a dope fiend who is a regular in the ER and was causing quite a commotion. Meanwhile, the nurse was trying to start my IV and blew out my vein. Great. I just finished healing from all the bruising I sustained 3 weeks ago after getting poked constantly. She tried the other arm and finally got a viable vein. They started the saline and the Zophram (anti nausea) and brought me some warm blankets. Tim arrived and relieved Terry and then we waited for the Doctor. We waited....and waited.....and waited. Luckily, my roommate Raul, was not successful in getting his drugs and was kicked out for making a disturbance. The Doc came in around Midnight to review my bloodwork and said I was very low on potassium so he wanted to start an IV drip of that. We thought the nurse would come in to get it started right away but that took another 40minutes or so and when she started the IV she said that potassium tends to burn in an IV so they put it in very slow and it was going to take at least 2 hours. Poor Tim! We were both so exhausted from being up all night the previous night with our Daughter and he had been up since 4:45am. Last night he was already working on 19 hours. I told him to just go home and set his alarm to come back around 2am. He did but he wasn't able to sleep. I tried to sleep a little bit but the ER isn't the quietest place and the gurney isn't exactly a Sleep Number bed. The potassium did indeed burn going in but I tried not to think about it and handled it the best I could. At one point I started feeling nauseous again and they gave me another dose of Zophram. Finally got to go home around 2:30am and immediately crashed in my nice warm, comfortable bed.
Today, I haven't felt nauseous. Just exhausted and trying to get some food in. Ate a few bites of egg for breakfast. A banana, raspberry, non fat milk smoothie (maybe 2 oz) for lunch. My surgeon asked me to not drink water for now, but to make sure all my liquids have calories. (Gatorade, milk, broth, etc) They called in a prescription for something that I should take 20 minutes prior to eating that makes my pouch relax and take in a little more food. Right now the goal is just to get some nutrition in me. Stay tuned...
Friday, January 20, 2012
Weigh to go-2 weeks post op
I've still been having a bit of a rough week. Constant dry mouth, a bit depressed (not really sure why), constipated (sorry for the TMI, but it's a definite part of this surgery), still having a hard time figuring out the eating thing and just in general kinda cranky.
Wednesday night I decided I needed to get back to some normalcy, so Terry and I went to our standing Wednesday night dinner date at a local taqueria for our usual shrimp tacos. I knew I couldn't eat the tortilla but I figured I would be okay to eat a couple shrimp with a little cheese on top. I ended up only being able to eat 1 and a half shrimp and it had no flavor. I did everything I could to spice it up a little. Salsa, lime...still blah. I am still only able to eat about 2-3 oz of food at a time but nothing tastes like anything to me so it's frustrating. I might as well be eating a shoe.
After I left dinner, I went to Safeway and for some reason lunchmeat honey ham sounded good to me. I have no idea why since that isn't something I would normally buy. I brought it home and diced up a slice. I had one bite and then I was over it.
My first week back to work has been great. I have been feeling physically good for the most part and other than wishing I could sleep in when it's been ungodly cold in the mornings, I've been glad to be back and I really missed my girls and my clients.
It's been 17 days today since my surgery. My incisions are completely healed and the scars are very minimal. I saw my Surgeon yesterday for my 2 week post op check and he was so happy with my progress. It made me feel good to know I am doing everything right because sometimes it's really easy to question yourself. I have lost a total of 35 lbs since my first visit to him in October. 20 of those pounds in the past two weeks since Surgery. I am cleared for all normal activities now and I can eat solid foods and introduce them gradually as I can tolerate them. I'm very excited about that and to celebrate, last night I had 4 forkfulls of meatloaf and 1 brussel sprout. Yes, that was my big dinner. I ate it in a tiny little bowl. My Mom said it must seem like everyone else that eats is eating like a pig because my portions are so teeny. It's not that I think people look like they are eating like pigs, but sometimes I look at the portions people eat and think to myself, "Wow...no wonder we, as a society are obese." Obviously the portions I eat are not normal, and eventually I will be able to eat 1 to 1 1/2 cups of food at a time, but it really is true that American's, in general eat way bigger portions than our bodies need.
The Doc thinks my constant dry mouth is a hormonal thing that will pass. I'm really hoping it passes soon. It's been the absolute worst part of the whole process for me so far.
Being able to rock my new four inch heels all day and not having my feet hurt afer the first five minutes has been amazing. Every day someone comments on how much of a difference they can already see. Yesterday, I wore leggings for the first time and Tim could not believe how different my legs looked.
I guess putting up with a little dry mouth is worth it, don't you think?
Wednesday night I decided I needed to get back to some normalcy, so Terry and I went to our standing Wednesday night dinner date at a local taqueria for our usual shrimp tacos. I knew I couldn't eat the tortilla but I figured I would be okay to eat a couple shrimp with a little cheese on top. I ended up only being able to eat 1 and a half shrimp and it had no flavor. I did everything I could to spice it up a little. Salsa, lime...still blah. I am still only able to eat about 2-3 oz of food at a time but nothing tastes like anything to me so it's frustrating. I might as well be eating a shoe.
After I left dinner, I went to Safeway and for some reason lunchmeat honey ham sounded good to me. I have no idea why since that isn't something I would normally buy. I brought it home and diced up a slice. I had one bite and then I was over it.
My first week back to work has been great. I have been feeling physically good for the most part and other than wishing I could sleep in when it's been ungodly cold in the mornings, I've been glad to be back and I really missed my girls and my clients.
It's been 17 days today since my surgery. My incisions are completely healed and the scars are very minimal. I saw my Surgeon yesterday for my 2 week post op check and he was so happy with my progress. It made me feel good to know I am doing everything right because sometimes it's really easy to question yourself. I have lost a total of 35 lbs since my first visit to him in October. 20 of those pounds in the past two weeks since Surgery. I am cleared for all normal activities now and I can eat solid foods and introduce them gradually as I can tolerate them. I'm very excited about that and to celebrate, last night I had 4 forkfulls of meatloaf and 1 brussel sprout. Yes, that was my big dinner. I ate it in a tiny little bowl. My Mom said it must seem like everyone else that eats is eating like a pig because my portions are so teeny. It's not that I think people look like they are eating like pigs, but sometimes I look at the portions people eat and think to myself, "Wow...no wonder we, as a society are obese." Obviously the portions I eat are not normal, and eventually I will be able to eat 1 to 1 1/2 cups of food at a time, but it really is true that American's, in general eat way bigger portions than our bodies need.
The Doc thinks my constant dry mouth is a hormonal thing that will pass. I'm really hoping it passes soon. It's been the absolute worst part of the whole process for me so far.
Being able to rock my new four inch heels all day and not having my feet hurt afer the first five minutes has been amazing. Every day someone comments on how much of a difference they can already see. Yesterday, I wore leggings for the first time and Tim could not believe how different my legs looked.
I guess putting up with a little dry mouth is worth it, don't you think?
Monday, January 16, 2012
Thirst
Kinda of a rough day today, for a variety of reasons. It was nice to be back to work because I did miss my girls and they did a great job of handling things so I didn't come back to a huge backlog. Getting back into a routine is going to be important but it definitely makes things much more challenging on the food front. I took a protein drink for breakfast and I just could not choke it down. It is so thick and it was making me nauseaus. I know I have mentioned it before but I am so thirsty all the time and it is absolutely making me postal. I just want to grab a gallon of water and chug it. But..I can't. I take sips all day long, but it's like an itch I can't scratch. I must admit it's making me grumpy. Or...it might have something to do with the arrival of a certain monthly visitor. Or...maybe it's the fact that I feel like I can't eat anything normal or with flavor. Or..maybe it had to do with the fact that it's going to be TWENTY FOUR degrees tonight and I have already mentioned how I am always freezing even when it's 70 degrees!! I just kind of want to cry. Yep...imagine that! Here come the waterworks again. On top of all that craptacularness, I also inadvertantly hurt the feelings of someone very, very dear to me. Add that all up and you have a recipe for disaster. This too shall pass and I know it will all be okay, but I'm having a moment and I just need to wake up tomorrow and try to do better.
Had a hard time meeting my protein requirements over the weekend. Saturday, I attended a surprise party and they had a taco bar (kill me now! MY FAVORITE!!) I had a tiny bit of beef and a tiny bit of beans. That's it. I felt okay about it. Went to my Mom's and she was serving chicken enchiladas, rice, beans and homemade brownies w/walnuts (kill me again!) At least I am never hungry so it wasn't as difficult as it sounds. Sunday, I tried a poached egg again and it seems eggs and I are no longer friends. Everytime I try an egg it doesn't end well. I end up feeling really nauseaus and uncomfortable. Same thing with anything tomato based. I went to a Memorial Service that ran much longer than expected and we needed to get back immediately afterward so I didn't eat anything else until about 6pm. (some pinto beans and cheese). Not good. Same kind of thing kind of happened today when I was unable to drink the breakfast drink, didn't eat again until 1pm when I had a couple bites of a white bean and kale soup (disgusting) and didn't eat again until about 7pm (chicken, lemon juice, salt, pepper). No bueno. I will be so happy when I can actually eat somewhat normal food again. I miss flavor.
I'm sorry that this entry is kind of negative. As I said, I am feeling kinda grumpy and I am thinking about food and it's pissing me off. It's not because I'm hungry. It's just because I miss feeling normal. You know? I was watching "Kim and Kourtney..." last night and I swear that every single scene was them eating. I kept pointing it out to Morgan and I am not joking it was literally every scene. I hate that I notice stuff like that now. I am so jealous because I want to be normal and eat a damned corned beef sandwich if I fucking feel like it!
That being said, I KNOW this will all be worth it. In fact, it already is. And....I will leave you on a positive note: Today, I bought TWO new pairs of shoes.
Friday, January 13, 2012
If The Shoe Fits...
I have no idea yet how to post pictures here so if anyone is tech savvy let me know because I already have some pretty cool before/after photos to show you. For those of you on my Facebook you'll be able to see them there. I am absolutely stunned at the difference 10 days has made.
Yesterday I got a great recipe thanks to my friend Melissa for a Roasted Red Bell Pepper soup. I roasted , peeled and chopped the bell peppers for it today but I ran out of time to make it so I am going to do that tomorrow and if it turns out I will post the recipe.
I've been very thirsty the past couple days. The first week or so I was never hungry or thirsty. Now, I am thirsty all.the.time. My mouth is always so dry. I hate it.
Yesterday, I tried eating a 3 oz can of tuna, with lemon juice, salt and pepper. I put the tuna in the magic bullet with the lemon juice to combine it and chop it up. It was great and 18 grams of protein in that tiny can. I will probably be eating a lot of tuna as I am returning to work next week and I need something easy to eat for lunches. I checked with my surgeon's office yesterday to find out if it was okay that I am a bit ahead of the curve on textures and whatnot and he was not concerned as long as I am tolerating it well and as long as I am making sure I get 40-60 grams of protein a day. I have to admit, it's somewhat tough. Today I got about 40 grams I'm guessing. It's difficult when you aren't eating more than maybe 9 oz a day. I try to supplement a little bit with protein drink but that stuff is so thick and makes me even more thirsty. I have some protein powder but it's vanilla, and I am really tired of vanilla anything, so I need to get some plain tomorrow.
The big news is that tonight Terry and I went to a local bar to hear a band we love. I actually ordered a piece of grilled tilapia and cut a very small piece off and that is what I ate. It came with a taster of lentil soup which a dipped my spoon in and ate a tiny bit of. I ate very, very slow. Of course, when you eat so slow hot food is never hot anymore so that kind of sucks. I took tiny bites of the fish and chewed it to infinity and beyond. It didn't really sit very well. My stomach felt like it was rumbling and I've had some gas pains tonight. Blech. But...I tried. And it was nice to be out and about.
Two funny things about tonight. Number one, when I ordered something to drink (iced tea) (way before I ordered dinner because you cannot eat and drink at the same time) it came with a straw. As I said before, I have been so damn thirsty that when the iced tea came I didn't even think about it and I grabbed it and took two BIG sips out of the straw. All of a sudden I looked at Terry and panicked! "OH NO! I am not supposed to drink out of a straw!" Let alone take two HUGE sips of anything! I could feel the liquid trying to make it's way down. Thankfully it did but it was a scary minute or two.
In better news...as we were getting dressed tonight, I went to put on my favorite shoes. They were HUGE on me. I looked like a little girl wearing her Mother's heels. I could not believe it. It's been 10 days!! I knew this would happen eventually, but I didn't expect it to happen in 10 days. I tried on another pair of shoes. Same thing. I have one pair of strappy sandals and I had to have my husband make the hole bigger on the strap so I could put it on the last one. Excited about this development. Gives new meaning to the term "Mama needs a new pair of shoes!"
Yesterday I got a great recipe thanks to my friend Melissa for a Roasted Red Bell Pepper soup. I roasted , peeled and chopped the bell peppers for it today but I ran out of time to make it so I am going to do that tomorrow and if it turns out I will post the recipe.
I've been very thirsty the past couple days. The first week or so I was never hungry or thirsty. Now, I am thirsty all.the.time. My mouth is always so dry. I hate it.
Yesterday, I tried eating a 3 oz can of tuna, with lemon juice, salt and pepper. I put the tuna in the magic bullet with the lemon juice to combine it and chop it up. It was great and 18 grams of protein in that tiny can. I will probably be eating a lot of tuna as I am returning to work next week and I need something easy to eat for lunches. I checked with my surgeon's office yesterday to find out if it was okay that I am a bit ahead of the curve on textures and whatnot and he was not concerned as long as I am tolerating it well and as long as I am making sure I get 40-60 grams of protein a day. I have to admit, it's somewhat tough. Today I got about 40 grams I'm guessing. It's difficult when you aren't eating more than maybe 9 oz a day. I try to supplement a little bit with protein drink but that stuff is so thick and makes me even more thirsty. I have some protein powder but it's vanilla, and I am really tired of vanilla anything, so I need to get some plain tomorrow.
The big news is that tonight Terry and I went to a local bar to hear a band we love. I actually ordered a piece of grilled tilapia and cut a very small piece off and that is what I ate. It came with a taster of lentil soup which a dipped my spoon in and ate a tiny bit of. I ate very, very slow. Of course, when you eat so slow hot food is never hot anymore so that kind of sucks. I took tiny bites of the fish and chewed it to infinity and beyond. It didn't really sit very well. My stomach felt like it was rumbling and I've had some gas pains tonight. Blech. But...I tried. And it was nice to be out and about.
Two funny things about tonight. Number one, when I ordered something to drink (iced tea) (way before I ordered dinner because you cannot eat and drink at the same time) it came with a straw. As I said before, I have been so damn thirsty that when the iced tea came I didn't even think about it and I grabbed it and took two BIG sips out of the straw. All of a sudden I looked at Terry and panicked! "OH NO! I am not supposed to drink out of a straw!" Let alone take two HUGE sips of anything! I could feel the liquid trying to make it's way down. Thankfully it did but it was a scary minute or two.
In better news...as we were getting dressed tonight, I went to put on my favorite shoes. They were HUGE on me. I looked like a little girl wearing her Mother's heels. I could not believe it. It's been 10 days!! I knew this would happen eventually, but I didn't expect it to happen in 10 days. I tried on another pair of shoes. Same thing. I have one pair of strappy sandals and I had to have my husband make the hole bigger on the strap so I could put it on the last one. Excited about this development. Gives new meaning to the term "Mama needs a new pair of shoes!"
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Grieving and Support
It's kind of weird to say but I think the mental and emotional aspect of this whole process has been a grieving, of sorts. My relationship with food is forever changed and though I didn't consider myself to have an addition or an unhealthy relationship with food before, my scale begged to differ.
The emotional waterworks somewhat subsided by the third day home from the hospital. I think I only had one small crying jag on day three and it was after a movie (love story) with a happy ending, so I can't really be blamed. It's been absolutely gorgeous Spring-like weather every day in January here in California and yet I continue to be cold all.of.the.time. I spoke to an acquaintance who has had the RNY surgery and she said she was cold for about 5 months. Crap.
My Husband took two weeks off work to take care of me and he's done a great job. I don't really need much caring for but it's nice to have him here to drive the kids to/from school, deal with the homework and dinners for them. I've really been able to just relax and recuperate and for that, I am very grateful.
Terry has come by almost every night after work and I honestly don't know how I could have done this without her. There is something about her that just "gets" me and she can read my mind if I have anxiety about anything or if I just need someone to listen and truly understand what I am saying, she is my go-to person.
My Sister, Tara has checked on me every day and I miss her very much. She used to live next door to me for many years until this past year when she moved to be with her Fiance and now lives about an hour away so I don't get to see her every day like I used to.
My Sister In Law, Yanci has truly been wonderful too, with advice, love and support.
My Mom and Dad are incredible and any Girl should be so blessed. They just left after coming to walk with me. The day of my surgery they sat in the hospital for more than 13 hours! Their love and support has made this whole journey possible. Because of them I have a chance to really change my life and lead the life I was meant for. Words will never be able to express my gratitude.
To anyone considering any type of weight loss surgery, your support people are imperative. This is too big an undertaking to do alone. You need a village of people behind you every step of the way. Some people choose to keep their surgery private. I understand and respect that decision but for me, I told absolutely EVERYONE who would listen. I told the mailman! I told the grocery store clerk! I told my kids school teachers! I felt it was an important part of my own process to not hide any of this and to say, "Hey, I tried everything, but I needed another tool in my toolbelt." To my amazement, I have amassed a giant additional support team of people who are cheering for me. People who really want to come along on this journey with me and see me succeed. It means the world to me. On our walk the other day, my Mom and I passed an elderly couple and as they approached us on the path, the man looked at me and said, "Hi!!!!" I said, "Hello!" and he said, "You look great!!!" After they had passed, my Mom said, "Do you know him?" Without missing a beat I said, "No, but he probably reads my Blog. I might get kind of famous around here. You might want to get used to it." :)
I have a few challenges to face this weekend: I am going to a dance party on Friday night at a local bar and I have decided that my Husband will order soft fish for dinner and I will have a very small piece of it and see how I do. If not, I will hopefully be able to order a cup of soup. Saturday, I am going to another event and I am not certain what type of food will be provided and if it will be anything I can have. I haven't decided how to handle this yet. Sunday, I have to atttend a Memorial Service and I will be gone from the house from about 11am-5pm and again, I have no idea about food. I am definitely going to have to think this through.
I feel good today, on Day 8. I have lost 13lbs since surgery and 28lbs in total over the past 3 months. My ankles, fingers and wrists are the most noticeable, but today while we were walking, my Mom was behind me and she said, "Deana, your butt looks much smaller already!" She didn't see me grin, but it really is the little things.
The emotional waterworks somewhat subsided by the third day home from the hospital. I think I only had one small crying jag on day three and it was after a movie (love story) with a happy ending, so I can't really be blamed. It's been absolutely gorgeous Spring-like weather every day in January here in California and yet I continue to be cold all.of.the.time. I spoke to an acquaintance who has had the RNY surgery and she said she was cold for about 5 months. Crap.
My Husband took two weeks off work to take care of me and he's done a great job. I don't really need much caring for but it's nice to have him here to drive the kids to/from school, deal with the homework and dinners for them. I've really been able to just relax and recuperate and for that, I am very grateful.
Terry has come by almost every night after work and I honestly don't know how I could have done this without her. There is something about her that just "gets" me and she can read my mind if I have anxiety about anything or if I just need someone to listen and truly understand what I am saying, she is my go-to person.
My Sister, Tara has checked on me every day and I miss her very much. She used to live next door to me for many years until this past year when she moved to be with her Fiance and now lives about an hour away so I don't get to see her every day like I used to.
My Sister In Law, Yanci has truly been wonderful too, with advice, love and support.
My Mom and Dad are incredible and any Girl should be so blessed. They just left after coming to walk with me. The day of my surgery they sat in the hospital for more than 13 hours! Their love and support has made this whole journey possible. Because of them I have a chance to really change my life and lead the life I was meant for. Words will never be able to express my gratitude.
To anyone considering any type of weight loss surgery, your support people are imperative. This is too big an undertaking to do alone. You need a village of people behind you every step of the way. Some people choose to keep their surgery private. I understand and respect that decision but for me, I told absolutely EVERYONE who would listen. I told the mailman! I told the grocery store clerk! I told my kids school teachers! I felt it was an important part of my own process to not hide any of this and to say, "Hey, I tried everything, but I needed another tool in my toolbelt." To my amazement, I have amassed a giant additional support team of people who are cheering for me. People who really want to come along on this journey with me and see me succeed. It means the world to me. On our walk the other day, my Mom and I passed an elderly couple and as they approached us on the path, the man looked at me and said, "Hi!!!!" I said, "Hello!" and he said, "You look great!!!" After they had passed, my Mom said, "Do you know him?" Without missing a beat I said, "No, but he probably reads my Blog. I might get kind of famous around here. You might want to get used to it." :)
I have a few challenges to face this weekend: I am going to a dance party on Friday night at a local bar and I have decided that my Husband will order soft fish for dinner and I will have a very small piece of it and see how I do. If not, I will hopefully be able to order a cup of soup. Saturday, I am going to another event and I am not certain what type of food will be provided and if it will be anything I can have. I haven't decided how to handle this yet. Sunday, I have to atttend a Memorial Service and I will be gone from the house from about 11am-5pm and again, I have no idea about food. I am definitely going to have to think this through.
I feel good today, on Day 8. I have lost 13lbs since surgery and 28lbs in total over the past 3 months. My ankles, fingers and wrists are the most noticeable, but today while we were walking, my Mom was behind me and she said, "Deana, your butt looks much smaller already!" She didn't see me grin, but it really is the little things.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
January 6th, 2012-aka:Cry Me A River
Second day home from the hospital. Feeling no pain other than kind of like I had been kicked in the stomach. The bruises on the back of both arms and on my stomach looked like I had been beaten with a tire iron but they weren't painful. I developed a water filled blister above one of my incision sites from where the surgical tape had lifted and rubbed back and forth against the skin.
My Mom made some bean soup and ran it through the blender. It tasted okay but wasn't really ringing any bells. I just didn't really have any desire to eat and had to force myself to get out of bed to do it. That was hard, because as I said in a previous post I am ALWAYS freezing since the surgery but I was told that I have to eat sitting up with both feet on the floor. So everytime I need to eat or drink anything I would need to get up, put on a robe, slippers and sometimes also a blanket and sit up in a chair. Since it takes forever to eat even 2 oz of food, all I could do is sit there and shiver and pray that I could get the food down slowly enough to not upset my stomach but fast enough that I could get back under the covers.
I was still having a very tough time emotionally. Someone could tell me the sky was blue and it would set off a Defcon Five river of tears. I have likened this whole process to bringing home a newborn baby. There are a lot of tears, a lot of trial and error, a lot of measuring the fluid and food intake in ounces to see how much is being consumed, some sleep disturbed nights, some hoping that peeing and pooping is happening with the correct frequency and a whole lot of guessing if you're doing everything right while settling into a new routine. A new normal, as the title of my blog suggests.
I spoke to my Mom on Day 2 out of the hospital and she asked how I was feeling. I said I was feeling okay but a little blue. She said, "Why don't you try getting out of bed, taking a shower, getting dressed, putting on some makeup and fixing your hair. I bet that will make you feel better." I sat there stunned for about 1.1 second before I burst into tears. WAS SHE JOKING ME???? I ended up having to hang up because I could not stop crying. My poor Mom. She was only trying to help. Better build an Ark, Noah. These tears aren't stopping anytime soon.
My Mom made some bean soup and ran it through the blender. It tasted okay but wasn't really ringing any bells. I just didn't really have any desire to eat and had to force myself to get out of bed to do it. That was hard, because as I said in a previous post I am ALWAYS freezing since the surgery but I was told that I have to eat sitting up with both feet on the floor. So everytime I need to eat or drink anything I would need to get up, put on a robe, slippers and sometimes also a blanket and sit up in a chair. Since it takes forever to eat even 2 oz of food, all I could do is sit there and shiver and pray that I could get the food down slowly enough to not upset my stomach but fast enough that I could get back under the covers.
I was still having a very tough time emotionally. Someone could tell me the sky was blue and it would set off a Defcon Five river of tears. I have likened this whole process to bringing home a newborn baby. There are a lot of tears, a lot of trial and error, a lot of measuring the fluid and food intake in ounces to see how much is being consumed, some sleep disturbed nights, some hoping that peeing and pooping is happening with the correct frequency and a whole lot of guessing if you're doing everything right while settling into a new routine. A new normal, as the title of my blog suggests.
I spoke to my Mom on Day 2 out of the hospital and she asked how I was feeling. I said I was feeling okay but a little blue. She said, "Why don't you try getting out of bed, taking a shower, getting dressed, putting on some makeup and fixing your hair. I bet that will make you feel better." I sat there stunned for about 1.1 second before I burst into tears. WAS SHE JOKING ME???? I ended up having to hang up because I could not stop crying. My poor Mom. She was only trying to help. Better build an Ark, Noah. These tears aren't stopping anytime soon.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Hospital Day 2 (Jan 4) and Coming Home (Jan 5)
My Sister came right after work on the same night as my surgery. It was nice to have her there with me and I really appreciated it because she lives about an hour away from her work and the hospital was WAY out of the way for her. She and several others sent so many beautiful flowers, cards, balloons and my room smelled amazing. In the evening it was just she and Terry. Terry stayed the night with me in the hospital that first night. It was comforting to have someone be right there with me, even though I had the nurse call button at my fingertips. I didn't sleep very well the first night. I think it was something like 10pm to 1am. After that it was a constant stream of people in and out of my room. Someone coming to draw blood. Someone coming to give me a shot of Heprin. Someone coming for vitals. Getting up to pee. Going for a 3am stroll around the Nurses station.
The next morning, they disconnected me from the fluids but left the IV in. I wondered how I was going to get enough fluids in orally to produce the amount of urine they were requiring of me so I could go home. Terry had to leave around 5:30am to go to work so for the first time, I was alone. My Husband dropped the kids at school and came about 9am. My breakfast tray arrived and it was 3/4 c beef broth and hot tea. After the experience I had with food and the way it made me feel the previous night, I was a little nervous. I had a few sips of both but the broth got cold so quickly and I was very apprehensive about feeling nauseaus, but I never did. All the rest of the meals consisted of the same thing. Broth for lunch, Broth for dinner. Broth for breakfast again the next day. If I never have broth again it would be okay with me. Whenever the nurse would come to pick up my tray, she would always comment that I hadn't eaten much. I wondered if I was supposed to be eating more, but I didn't want to.
To be honest, the second day at the hospital was fairly uneventful, except for the fact that my left hand swelled so much that I couldn't close my hand to make a fist. No one could figure out why, but that is the same arm where I had my IV. Finally, they removed the port altogether and advised me to keep my hand elevated. Slowly the swelling went down and my hand returned to normal. Tim left around 1pm and My Parents and SIL came from about 3:30-5:30. My oldest Son, Kyle came from about 7:30 and around 9:30pm I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, so we said our goodbyes and I tried to get some sleep. I did pretty well until the vitals and the Heprin shots started again at 1am, but I was about to get back to sleep easily after asking for some warm blankets. I slept until about 6:30am when the vitals needed to be taken again. Around 7:30am Dr Vierra came in. I was out of bed and sitting in my chair, trying to drink some tea. That's one thing I forgot to mention. You cannot eat or drink in bed at all. You must be sitting up with your feet planted on the floor. It has something to do with your esophagus being straight and allowing the food/liquid to get into your pouch. It has been a challenge for me because I am used to sitting in bed while watching TV and always having a water bottle close. When I wanted to drink in the hospital, I needed to get completely out of bed and into a chair. Since the surgery I have been cold. All the time. It was a real production to get out of bed, get a blanket and shiver there for 15 minutes while trying to get a few ounces of liquid down. Anyway, I digress...Dr Vierra came in and chatted with me for a few minutes to see how I was doing. He seemed satisfied with my progress and said I could go home. Yay. The nurse came in and asked if I wanted to take a shower. I definitely did. My friend and hair stylist, Melissa had warned me before I went into the hospital that I would get a severe case of "bed head". She encouraged me to put my hair in two braids to avoid this. Sadly, I did not listen. My hair was definitely "bed head from hell". To anyone reading this that is going to be having surgery soon....please take Melissa's advice. You will be glad you did.
The nurse said I didn't need to worry about my incisions while in the shower. Just to be careful and pat them dry afterward. The hot water felt good to my now-always-cold body. I dried off and was happy to put on my own pajamas and not that ugly hospital gown. When I came out of the bathroom, Tim had arrived to take me home. I had my first emotional break. I cried and cried. I really didn't know why. I think getting up, showering, getting dressed, etc was all just very overwhelming. We packed up my room and got a cart to take down all the flowers. A hospital volunteer arrived with a white wheelchair for me and before I knew it we were on our hour long drive home.
The car ride seemed like 5 hours. I reclined my seat back and tried to sleep through it but everytime we would hit a rough patch of road, I would wake up because it hurt. I didn't want music on unless it was very quiet. I kept asking Tim if we were almost there.
Once we arrived in the house and I got into bed, I had another meltdown. Just could not stop crying. It was one aspect of the surgery I was not prepared for. Geez, I sound like a total crybaby and I'm really not. Okay-I am . But, usually I KNOW why I am crying. This time I had no idea. Everything just felt extremely overwhelming. The shower, the car ride. Too much in one day. Also, I was freezing, again.
The next morning, they disconnected me from the fluids but left the IV in. I wondered how I was going to get enough fluids in orally to produce the amount of urine they were requiring of me so I could go home. Terry had to leave around 5:30am to go to work so for the first time, I was alone. My Husband dropped the kids at school and came about 9am. My breakfast tray arrived and it was 3/4 c beef broth and hot tea. After the experience I had with food and the way it made me feel the previous night, I was a little nervous. I had a few sips of both but the broth got cold so quickly and I was very apprehensive about feeling nauseaus, but I never did. All the rest of the meals consisted of the same thing. Broth for lunch, Broth for dinner. Broth for breakfast again the next day. If I never have broth again it would be okay with me. Whenever the nurse would come to pick up my tray, she would always comment that I hadn't eaten much. I wondered if I was supposed to be eating more, but I didn't want to.
To be honest, the second day at the hospital was fairly uneventful, except for the fact that my left hand swelled so much that I couldn't close my hand to make a fist. No one could figure out why, but that is the same arm where I had my IV. Finally, they removed the port altogether and advised me to keep my hand elevated. Slowly the swelling went down and my hand returned to normal. Tim left around 1pm and My Parents and SIL came from about 3:30-5:30. My oldest Son, Kyle came from about 7:30 and around 9:30pm I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, so we said our goodbyes and I tried to get some sleep. I did pretty well until the vitals and the Heprin shots started again at 1am, but I was about to get back to sleep easily after asking for some warm blankets. I slept until about 6:30am when the vitals needed to be taken again. Around 7:30am Dr Vierra came in. I was out of bed and sitting in my chair, trying to drink some tea. That's one thing I forgot to mention. You cannot eat or drink in bed at all. You must be sitting up with your feet planted on the floor. It has something to do with your esophagus being straight and allowing the food/liquid to get into your pouch. It has been a challenge for me because I am used to sitting in bed while watching TV and always having a water bottle close. When I wanted to drink in the hospital, I needed to get completely out of bed and into a chair. Since the surgery I have been cold. All the time. It was a real production to get out of bed, get a blanket and shiver there for 15 minutes while trying to get a few ounces of liquid down. Anyway, I digress...Dr Vierra came in and chatted with me for a few minutes to see how I was doing. He seemed satisfied with my progress and said I could go home. Yay. The nurse came in and asked if I wanted to take a shower. I definitely did. My friend and hair stylist, Melissa had warned me before I went into the hospital that I would get a severe case of "bed head". She encouraged me to put my hair in two braids to avoid this. Sadly, I did not listen. My hair was definitely "bed head from hell". To anyone reading this that is going to be having surgery soon....please take Melissa's advice. You will be glad you did.
The nurse said I didn't need to worry about my incisions while in the shower. Just to be careful and pat them dry afterward. The hot water felt good to my now-always-cold body. I dried off and was happy to put on my own pajamas and not that ugly hospital gown. When I came out of the bathroom, Tim had arrived to take me home. I had my first emotional break. I cried and cried. I really didn't know why. I think getting up, showering, getting dressed, etc was all just very overwhelming. We packed up my room and got a cart to take down all the flowers. A hospital volunteer arrived with a white wheelchair for me and before I knew it we were on our hour long drive home.
The car ride seemed like 5 hours. I reclined my seat back and tried to sleep through it but everytime we would hit a rough patch of road, I would wake up because it hurt. I didn't want music on unless it was very quiet. I kept asking Tim if we were almost there.
Once we arrived in the house and I got into bed, I had another meltdown. Just could not stop crying. It was one aspect of the surgery I was not prepared for. Geez, I sound like a total crybaby and I'm really not. Okay-I am . But, usually I KNOW why I am crying. This time I had no idea. Everything just felt extremely overwhelming. The shower, the car ride. Too much in one day. Also, I was freezing, again.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Big Day Part II
Once I arrived back into my room out of recovery, my room was filled with people. There was a lot of love in that room and I was grateful. My Mom, Dad, Terry, My SIL, My Husband and two of my three kids were there. Later, there were a total of 10 people at one time. I realized later that having that many people with me was truly exhausting. I am a girl who likes to be the life of the party and I felt like it must be so boring for everyone to surround me and watch me sleep, so I tried to talk a lot, joke, laugh, even through mostly closed eyes. My eyelids felt like they weighed 1000lbs. I could hear everything going on and I was responding but I could not keep my eyes open no matter how hard I tried. I don't remember feeling any pain. The nurses came in to get my vitals every 4 hours and gave me a shot in the stomach of Heprin every 8 hours to avoid blood clots. The shots didn't hurt but the bruises they left are gnarly. I have bad bruising behind both arms and on both sides of my stomach. They were giving me morphine when I came out of surgery but it makes me itch so bad, that I asked to be changed to Toradol IV which is more like a strong aspirin. I don't really know if there was ever any pain to speak of or if I just stayed ahead of it because I honestly don't remember pain at all other than gas type pain. During the surgery, which they did laproscopically, they needed to fill me with air to be able to work around my organs and do what they needed to do. That air needs to come out in the form of gas. Unfortunately, I wasn't passing any gas so by the second day the gas pain was somewhat uncomfortable in my stomach, neck, and shoulder area. Before the surgery, I was warned about this and told that I should try to get up and walk as soon as possible to help the gas pains dissapate. I wasn't allowed to get up and walk until about 7:30pm the first night. By then, I was so exhausted from the entire days events, I didn't have much energy at all.
I vividly remember my mouth being so, so dry. I kept asking the nurse for ice chips but I wasn't allowed any. I was only allowed for my Mom to swab my mouth with a small sponge on a stick that was dipped in water. I had been warned of this ahead of time, so I did bring some medicated lip balm with me but that didn't help the cotton mouth I felt. After what seemed like hours, I was allowed to have one ice chip at a time. It was like Heaven.
My first meal after surgery arrived in the hospital room around 6:30pm. It was 3/4 c chicken broth, hot tea, strawberry jello and a lemon ice sorbet. I was very scared that I wouldn't be able to swallow anything. I had been told by the P.A. at my Doctor's office that sometimes your esophagus will clench up and not allow you to swallow anything down right away. I had a very small sip of broth. Next, I had a very small, like tip of the teaspoon sip of the ice lemon sorbet which tasted so very good to a dry, dry mouth. I might have had 3 or 4 more sips and I was crying because I was so happy that I could actually swallow. Then, suddenly I didn't feel too good. Maybe I took those sips too fast. I felt like I might vomit. I really, really did not want to vomit. Thankfully, I didn't.
At the same time this was all happening, the nurses started asking if I felt like I had to urinate. I hadn't urinated since I arrived at the hospital at 5:30am and by now it was almost 7pm. I didn't have a catheter in. I had no desire to urinate despite the fact that they were giving me many bags of fluid thru my IV. I tried to urinate but could go less than 100cc's. At the same time as I was on the toilet trying to do all this, the Nurse came in trying to get me to drink a 1oz medicine cup full of Loratab (liquid vicodin). After the experience I just had trying to swallow broth, and the fact that I felt nauseas, freezing and scared, there was no way I could get the loratab down. Plus, I wasn't in pain. I asked if I could have another intravenous shot of the toradol. Next, they wanted me to walk around the nurses station. It just wasn't a good time. I felt like a failure. Back to bed I went. They came in with an ultrasound machine to scan my bladder and see how much urine was in there. More than 500cc's. Time for the straight catheter. Good times.
Based on the fact that I wasn't urinating on my own the way I should, and the fact that I couldn't tolerate clear liquids as well as I should, the Doctor decided to keep me in the hospital another night.
I vividly remember my mouth being so, so dry. I kept asking the nurse for ice chips but I wasn't allowed any. I was only allowed for my Mom to swab my mouth with a small sponge on a stick that was dipped in water. I had been warned of this ahead of time, so I did bring some medicated lip balm with me but that didn't help the cotton mouth I felt. After what seemed like hours, I was allowed to have one ice chip at a time. It was like Heaven.
My first meal after surgery arrived in the hospital room around 6:30pm. It was 3/4 c chicken broth, hot tea, strawberry jello and a lemon ice sorbet. I was very scared that I wouldn't be able to swallow anything. I had been told by the P.A. at my Doctor's office that sometimes your esophagus will clench up and not allow you to swallow anything down right away. I had a very small sip of broth. Next, I had a very small, like tip of the teaspoon sip of the ice lemon sorbet which tasted so very good to a dry, dry mouth. I might have had 3 or 4 more sips and I was crying because I was so happy that I could actually swallow. Then, suddenly I didn't feel too good. Maybe I took those sips too fast. I felt like I might vomit. I really, really did not want to vomit. Thankfully, I didn't.
At the same time this was all happening, the nurses started asking if I felt like I had to urinate. I hadn't urinated since I arrived at the hospital at 5:30am and by now it was almost 7pm. I didn't have a catheter in. I had no desire to urinate despite the fact that they were giving me many bags of fluid thru my IV. I tried to urinate but could go less than 100cc's. At the same time as I was on the toilet trying to do all this, the Nurse came in trying to get me to drink a 1oz medicine cup full of Loratab (liquid vicodin). After the experience I just had trying to swallow broth, and the fact that I felt nauseas, freezing and scared, there was no way I could get the loratab down. Plus, I wasn't in pain. I asked if I could have another intravenous shot of the toradol. Next, they wanted me to walk around the nurses station. It just wasn't a good time. I felt like a failure. Back to bed I went. They came in with an ultrasound machine to scan my bladder and see how much urine was in there. More than 500cc's. Time for the straight catheter. Good times.
Based on the fact that I wasn't urinating on my own the way I should, and the fact that I couldn't tolerate clear liquids as well as I should, the Doctor decided to keep me in the hospital another night.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
The Big Day
My Husband drove me to my Best Friend's house so he could go back home and get the kids ready for school. That had always been the plan, Terry would take me to the Hospital and my Parents would meet us there. Then, Tim would come later to see me right before I went into the OR. Since that was no longer going to be possible, we said our goodbyes in Terry's carport and Terry and I sped off into the early morning darkness. Half way there she put the IZ/Louie Armstrong version of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" on the stereo. I will never forget it. As I said in a previous post, it was an hour to get to the hospital. Not once, in that drive on that morning did I worry that I might not be making the right choice. I didn't worry that I might have a complication and I didn't worry that I wouldn't achieve my goal. I was completely at peace. My Mom, on the other hand was a wreck. She was very concerned for me. She knew that this was something I wanted and she was extremely supportive, accompanying me to every Doctor's visit, the orientation and the Nutritionist. In fact, she and my Dad even offered to pick up the out of pocket costs associated with the surgery. But, ultimately, I am her baby and any time your baby is at any type of risk it can be a scary day for a Mom.
After Terry and I arrived at the hospital, I registered and shortly thereafter, my Sister In Law arrived. In my previous post I mentioned how she couldn't sleep either and so she decided to come to the hospital to be there for me before I headed into surgery. My Parents arrived a few minutes after that and my round one entourage was complete. Everyone was a little bleary eyed and we all headed down the long corridor to the Short Stay Unit. Once I checked in there, only a few minutes passed before I had to leave my entourage behind and follow a very nice Asian nurse back into the prep area. She had me undress and wipe my entire body down w/Antibacterial wipes. I had to put on a hospital gown opened to the back and a shower cap type thing to hold my hair back. I also had to put on grey hospital socks with rubber bottoms. Soon, the nurse came back in to take my vitals and start my I.V. I have to admit that the anticipation of the I.V. was probably the worst part of the whole ordeal. I have the WORST veins. They are very deep and there have been times when I have been in the hospital before that they have had to poke me 5-6 times before they get a viable vein. Thankfully, my nurse was very gentle and skilled. She got it on the first try and the worst part was over. My friends and family were allowed in to see me for a few minutes before I headed into the OR. We took a few photos. I was trying to crack jokes and lighten the mood, especially for the sake of my Mom. Soon, the anesthesiologist came in to introduce herself and describe what her role would be and finally, Dr Vierra came in to check with me and see if I was ready. I was. Kisses and Hugs and I was being wheeled down the hallway and into the OR. It was cold in there. Always is in the OR. I wondered if they were going to play any music during the 1-2 hour procedure. I remember being moved from the gurney onto the Operating table and I remember absolutely nothing else until I was waking up in my own private room after being moved from recovery at 11am.
Day 4: More
The week leading up to the actual surgery I was very calm. There was no hesitation or nervousness on my part. If anything, I would say I was anxious. Anxious to begin a new life. Anxious to be the person on the outside that I felt like on the inside. The support I was receiving was moving. All of my family, my Husband, my Boss, my co-worker and most especially my Best Friend were all amazing. I felt like I was absolutely making the right decision for myself and I never doubted that decision for a moment. (still don't). I had been so careful about watching what I ate for the past three months but the week leading up to the surgery I allowed myself some indulgences. Still, I didn't go crazy. I made a little list in my mind of some of the foods I would like to have before the surgery since I knew it would be a long time before I could have them again. One night, I ate a great Kobe Burger w/sweet potato fries. One morning I had a raspberry coconut scone, with a Vanilla Latte. One day, I even allowed myself a handful of salt and vinegar potato chips. But, as I said, I didn't go nuts. I didn't eat the whole bag. I didn't eat more than I normally would, but I enjoyed every last calorie. "The Last Supper" as I like to call it was on New Years Eve. 12-31-11. We went to an amazing restaurant with good friends to toast to the New Year and it had a lot of symbolism for me because I really was starting the New Year with a new life. We had a very delicious meal that included bacon wrapped prawns in a lemon buerre blanc sauce, baked brie in phyllo dough with a jalapeno jelly sauce, hot ciabatta bread, prime rib, mashed potatoes, creamed spinach, and a dessert of carmelized bananas with a whiskey caramel sauce and candied pecans, and a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream. Oh..and let's not forget the THREE lemon-berry drops I had. Did I mention I am not a drinker? Well, thank goodness I didn't discover the lemon-berry drop until that evening, because wow, those were good! I know that sounds like a TON of food, and although it was definitely a lot, it wasn't as much as it sounds like. I had only ONE prawn. I had a small slice of the brie. I shared my 8oz prime rib with my husband and only had about 4 bites of the dessert. I didn't eat until I was miserable, but I was definitely satisfied. I can't believe that was seven days ago. It seems so much longer.
Sunday, January 1st, I began a two day clear liquid diet to prepare for surgery. I tried to stay as busy as possible on the first day so I would not think about food. I went to a movie and shopping with Terry. I just tried to stay focused and not let my hunger get the better of me. It wasn't as hard as I thought. I was actually able to get thru the day okay. Monday, January 2nd, was a bit harder. Also, I had to get up and drink a 10 oz bottle of Magnesium Citrate before noon to start the "cleanse" process. Magnesium Citrate is soooo sweet. I had to take a swig and chase it with water every time. It was hard to get it all down, but I did it and then waited for the not-so-welcome effects to begin. Let's just say that you shouldn't plan on being any further than about 5 feet from the bathroom the day before surgery. These effects went on from 10am until about 3:30am the next day. Maybe I should have reconsidered that whole HUGE meal thing from Saturday night!
Monday night I had a hard time sleeping. Much like I get whenever I have to leave early in the morning to catch a flight, I felt uneasy and as if I might oversleep and not hear my alarm. Of course, the Magnesium Citrate was still working it's magic as well, so that didn't help matters. My Husband was laying next to me peacefully sleeping, seemingly without a care in the world. I tried running my fingers across his back to see if I could rouse him. When that didn't work, I tried massaging him a little bit on his shoulder. Still...nothing. Finally, I started poking him with my index finger. I poked him in the sides, the back, the neck, shoulder and face. When he turned over and opened his eyes, I said, "Oh...are you awake?" He talked to me for a little while, and then rolled back over to go to sleep. It was about 2am at this point and my surgery was scheduled for 9:30am. The Hospital is about an hour away and I needed to be there by 7:30am. I couldn't turn my brain off, so I texted my Sister In Law and I was surprised when she texted me right back. She couldn't sleep either. She and I went back and forth for a bit and then I started playing with Facebook on my phone. My phone ringer was on silent, so at 4:26am when a call came in, I would have never known if I hadn't been unable to sleep. It was the hospital telling me that the first case of the day in the OR had cancelled and Dr. Vierra had requested me to arrive at the hospital at 6am for a 7:30 surgery start time. Holy shit! I woke my Husband, had him take a quick "Before" picture and we walked out the door about 10 minutes later. Let the games begin!
Sunday, January 1st, I began a two day clear liquid diet to prepare for surgery. I tried to stay as busy as possible on the first day so I would not think about food. I went to a movie and shopping with Terry. I just tried to stay focused and not let my hunger get the better of me. It wasn't as hard as I thought. I was actually able to get thru the day okay. Monday, January 2nd, was a bit harder. Also, I had to get up and drink a 10 oz bottle of Magnesium Citrate before noon to start the "cleanse" process. Magnesium Citrate is soooo sweet. I had to take a swig and chase it with water every time. It was hard to get it all down, but I did it and then waited for the not-so-welcome effects to begin. Let's just say that you shouldn't plan on being any further than about 5 feet from the bathroom the day before surgery. These effects went on from 10am until about 3:30am the next day. Maybe I should have reconsidered that whole HUGE meal thing from Saturday night!
Monday night I had a hard time sleeping. Much like I get whenever I have to leave early in the morning to catch a flight, I felt uneasy and as if I might oversleep and not hear my alarm. Of course, the Magnesium Citrate was still working it's magic as well, so that didn't help matters. My Husband was laying next to me peacefully sleeping, seemingly without a care in the world. I tried running my fingers across his back to see if I could rouse him. When that didn't work, I tried massaging him a little bit on his shoulder. Still...nothing. Finally, I started poking him with my index finger. I poked him in the sides, the back, the neck, shoulder and face. When he turned over and opened his eyes, I said, "Oh...are you awake?" He talked to me for a little while, and then rolled back over to go to sleep. It was about 2am at this point and my surgery was scheduled for 9:30am. The Hospital is about an hour away and I needed to be there by 7:30am. I couldn't turn my brain off, so I texted my Sister In Law and I was surprised when she texted me right back. She couldn't sleep either. She and I went back and forth for a bit and then I started playing with Facebook on my phone. My phone ringer was on silent, so at 4:26am when a call came in, I would have never known if I hadn't been unable to sleep. It was the hospital telling me that the first case of the day in the OR had cancelled and Dr. Vierra had requested me to arrive at the hospital at 6am for a 7:30 surgery start time. Holy shit! I woke my Husband, had him take a quick "Before" picture and we walked out the door about 10 minutes later. Let the games begin!
Day 4: A New Norm
It's almost 4am, 4 days post op and here I am unable to sleep because of the thoughts swirling around in my head, itching to get out on the page. I had Roux-en-y Gastric Bypass surgery on 1-03-12. I felt like I was very prepared for this surgery and I did a lot of research, reading books, websites, support groups, etc. However, there were definitely some aspects of this process that have been unexpected. Let me back up:
I started looking into Weight loss surgery as an option on October 1, 2011. I had recently been diagnosed with Sleep Apnea and I had also started having some nerve pain, which led me to seek the advice of a neurologist. The neurologist concluded that I was carrying around too much weight, which was causing pressure on some of my nerves and causing the pain. She suggested I try losing weight and the pain would disappear. As happy as I was that it wasn't something more serious, I was also defeated because I KNEW I needed to lose weight. I just hadn't been successful at anything I had tried, and believe me I had tried it all. NutriSystem, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, A Nutritionist, A Personal Trainer, The Cabbage Soup diet, Phen-phen, Redux, Slimfast, Atkins, etc, etc. I would usually lose around 20 lbs or so and then hit a wall. Ultimately, I would give up out of frustration and the merry go round would start again. Only this time I would have gained back all I lost plus some.
I wasn't heavy my whole life but I've always considered myself somewhat of a thicker body type. Always. Even when I was a size 3 in Junior High. Even when I carried 130 lbs on my 5'2" frame at age 25. Little did I realize that 20 years later, I would be carrying much, much more than 130lbs and that 130lbs would actually be my goal weight.
I don't consider myself to be a binge eater. I also never really considered myself to be a food addict, but I don't think you can get to the weight I was without having some form of addiction. I am not your classic overweight eater though. Whenever I watch shows like "The Biggest Loser" and they have people on there that talk about their "before" habits I am always amazed. I am not really a fast food person. I very rarely drink alcohol and could give that up in a heartbeat, I am not really a dessert person. I don't eat 3 BigMacs in my closet and wash it down with a 2 liter bottle of Pepsi, in fact, I don't drink soft drinks very often and when I do, it's always diet. (Since my surgery, I won't ever drink soft drinks again..and that is kind of odd to me) I am more of a savory eater than a sweet eater. I am a good Italian girl who likes her pasta. I like cheese, but I also love chicken, fish, beef and almost every vegetable. In fact, I am obsessed with Red Bell Peppers and I would rather have a roasted pepper than ice cream.
So, that is a very small portion of the backstory. I went to my first meeting to look into the Lap Band procedure on Oct 1st. My BFF went with me. It was definitely a process. First, they weighed me and they told me not to take off my shoes, jacket or purse. They wanted to get me at my highest weight. I thought that was a little weird. I guess maybe they were doing it for insurance purposes since you have to be a certain BMI to get insurance approval or something. Still, it was unsettling. Next, I filled out paperwork for a solid hour. No joke. A.Solid.Hour. I felt like I was literally signing my life away. I wasn't even sure I wanted to have ANY procedure yet and still they insisted I sign everything. That should have been an indicator to me that I wasn't in the right place. I didn't leave however. I signed all they asked and I waited. I looked around me and there were maybe 12 other people doing the same as me. I wondered if we were all here for the same reason because honestly most of the people didn't look to be as overweight as I was. Certainly not overweight enough to be considering something so drastic. Evidently, I was wrong because I later found out that they were all there for the same reason: Bariatric surgery. We were all sitting in what appeared to be a Doctors office waiting room. Soon, a nice looking man in a white lab coat came out to give us some information and address our questions. After, an Insurance lady addressed the group. Lastly, a Dietician spoke. After that, we were called one on one to a room and each of the Holy Trinity came to speak to us individually. Looking back now and knowing what I know, I am amazed at how easy they made the whole thing sound. Like it was an absolute piece of cake. Never were any of the potential complications discussed and it almost seemed like this magic bullet that unlocked the whole mystery of weight loss. During that time I realized that the man in the white coat, who I naturally assumed was the surgeon was only a physician's assistant. That put me off some. I wanted to speak to the actual Doctor. After spending a good 3 hours in total, we were urged to immediately set up an appointment for pre-requisite procedures and sent home. Although I was somewhat encouraged by what seemed to be a potential answer for me as far as weight loss went, I was also troubled. I wasn't sure why and I wasn't even identifying what I was feeling as troubled. I just came home, laid down on my bed and cried. I didn't know why. It all just felt very overwhelming.
A week later, a family friend who had the Roux en Y surgery encouraged me to go to another orientation with her surgeon. She could not say enough about him and knowing her as I do I know she is a woman who definitely does her homework. Exactly a week later, I attended my second orientation and I was blown away by how different it was. There were probably about 45 people there. It was held in a big conference room with a power point presentation and he definitely did not sugar coat things. All of the potential complications were covered as well as the very high percentage of people who gain it all back a year or two after their surgery. Instead of scaring me, this information actually helped me. I was glad to know this was certainly not a magic bullet but a tool to assist someone in getting their weight off quickly. Maintenance was most likely going to be a challenge, but it was a challenge that I felt I could take on. I knew after that hour that Dr Vierra would be my surgeon and I started the process immediately to move forward.
During my first office visit consult with Dr Vierra we discussed all three options of Bariatric Surgery that he performs: The Roux en Y, the Gastric Sleeve and the Lap Band. Luckily, I was a good candidate for all three surgeries, so I could choose which of the surgeries I would prefer and after talking to a lot of people who had the surgery I chose the Roux en Y rather than the Lap Band because I felt it would give me a greater amount of weight loss. My BMI when I started was 49. My goal is to have my BMI be under 25, which would be considered normal and not overweight. Dr Vierra asked me to attempt to lose 10% of my body weight prior to surgery.
My next assignments were to complete all of my Pre Op appointments. I needed a Psych evaluation, a one hour appointment with a Nutritionist, Lab work, and an EKG. I did all of that in one day. Next, I just had to wait for my Insurance Authorization which takes 4-6 weeks. My Insurance paid 90% of the costs associated with the surgery. The Insurance Authorization came through right around Thanksgiving. At that point, I was given my surgery date: January 3rd. Next, I needed to set one more appointment with the Surgeon's office to see how much weight I had lost pre surgery and to go over all the before and after surgery instructions. My appointment was set for December 23rd and I was so nervous to get on the scale. I knew I had been watching what I ate, but I also knew how easy it was to gain weight without knowing it. I was worried that if I gained weight rather than lose weight since my last office visit that Dr Vierra would postpone my surgery thinking I wasn't ready or committed. To my relief, when I stepped on the scale, it was revealed that I had lost 14 lbs. I didn't quite make my 10% goal, but the Doctor was still satisfied and I was happy.
Getting tired now...more tomorrow...
I started looking into Weight loss surgery as an option on October 1, 2011. I had recently been diagnosed with Sleep Apnea and I had also started having some nerve pain, which led me to seek the advice of a neurologist. The neurologist concluded that I was carrying around too much weight, which was causing pressure on some of my nerves and causing the pain. She suggested I try losing weight and the pain would disappear. As happy as I was that it wasn't something more serious, I was also defeated because I KNEW I needed to lose weight. I just hadn't been successful at anything I had tried, and believe me I had tried it all. NutriSystem, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, A Nutritionist, A Personal Trainer, The Cabbage Soup diet, Phen-phen, Redux, Slimfast, Atkins, etc, etc. I would usually lose around 20 lbs or so and then hit a wall. Ultimately, I would give up out of frustration and the merry go round would start again. Only this time I would have gained back all I lost plus some.
I wasn't heavy my whole life but I've always considered myself somewhat of a thicker body type. Always. Even when I was a size 3 in Junior High. Even when I carried 130 lbs on my 5'2" frame at age 25. Little did I realize that 20 years later, I would be carrying much, much more than 130lbs and that 130lbs would actually be my goal weight.
I don't consider myself to be a binge eater. I also never really considered myself to be a food addict, but I don't think you can get to the weight I was without having some form of addiction. I am not your classic overweight eater though. Whenever I watch shows like "The Biggest Loser" and they have people on there that talk about their "before" habits I am always amazed. I am not really a fast food person. I very rarely drink alcohol and could give that up in a heartbeat, I am not really a dessert person. I don't eat 3 BigMacs in my closet and wash it down with a 2 liter bottle of Pepsi, in fact, I don't drink soft drinks very often and when I do, it's always diet. (Since my surgery, I won't ever drink soft drinks again..and that is kind of odd to me) I am more of a savory eater than a sweet eater. I am a good Italian girl who likes her pasta. I like cheese, but I also love chicken, fish, beef and almost every vegetable. In fact, I am obsessed with Red Bell Peppers and I would rather have a roasted pepper than ice cream.
So, that is a very small portion of the backstory. I went to my first meeting to look into the Lap Band procedure on Oct 1st. My BFF went with me. It was definitely a process. First, they weighed me and they told me not to take off my shoes, jacket or purse. They wanted to get me at my highest weight. I thought that was a little weird. I guess maybe they were doing it for insurance purposes since you have to be a certain BMI to get insurance approval or something. Still, it was unsettling. Next, I filled out paperwork for a solid hour. No joke. A.Solid.Hour. I felt like I was literally signing my life away. I wasn't even sure I wanted to have ANY procedure yet and still they insisted I sign everything. That should have been an indicator to me that I wasn't in the right place. I didn't leave however. I signed all they asked and I waited. I looked around me and there were maybe 12 other people doing the same as me. I wondered if we were all here for the same reason because honestly most of the people didn't look to be as overweight as I was. Certainly not overweight enough to be considering something so drastic. Evidently, I was wrong because I later found out that they were all there for the same reason: Bariatric surgery. We were all sitting in what appeared to be a Doctors office waiting room. Soon, a nice looking man in a white lab coat came out to give us some information and address our questions. After, an Insurance lady addressed the group. Lastly, a Dietician spoke. After that, we were called one on one to a room and each of the Holy Trinity came to speak to us individually. Looking back now and knowing what I know, I am amazed at how easy they made the whole thing sound. Like it was an absolute piece of cake. Never were any of the potential complications discussed and it almost seemed like this magic bullet that unlocked the whole mystery of weight loss. During that time I realized that the man in the white coat, who I naturally assumed was the surgeon was only a physician's assistant. That put me off some. I wanted to speak to the actual Doctor. After spending a good 3 hours in total, we were urged to immediately set up an appointment for pre-requisite procedures and sent home. Although I was somewhat encouraged by what seemed to be a potential answer for me as far as weight loss went, I was also troubled. I wasn't sure why and I wasn't even identifying what I was feeling as troubled. I just came home, laid down on my bed and cried. I didn't know why. It all just felt very overwhelming.
A week later, a family friend who had the Roux en Y surgery encouraged me to go to another orientation with her surgeon. She could not say enough about him and knowing her as I do I know she is a woman who definitely does her homework. Exactly a week later, I attended my second orientation and I was blown away by how different it was. There were probably about 45 people there. It was held in a big conference room with a power point presentation and he definitely did not sugar coat things. All of the potential complications were covered as well as the very high percentage of people who gain it all back a year or two after their surgery. Instead of scaring me, this information actually helped me. I was glad to know this was certainly not a magic bullet but a tool to assist someone in getting their weight off quickly. Maintenance was most likely going to be a challenge, but it was a challenge that I felt I could take on. I knew after that hour that Dr Vierra would be my surgeon and I started the process immediately to move forward.
During my first office visit consult with Dr Vierra we discussed all three options of Bariatric Surgery that he performs: The Roux en Y, the Gastric Sleeve and the Lap Band. Luckily, I was a good candidate for all three surgeries, so I could choose which of the surgeries I would prefer and after talking to a lot of people who had the surgery I chose the Roux en Y rather than the Lap Band because I felt it would give me a greater amount of weight loss. My BMI when I started was 49. My goal is to have my BMI be under 25, which would be considered normal and not overweight. Dr Vierra asked me to attempt to lose 10% of my body weight prior to surgery.
My next assignments were to complete all of my Pre Op appointments. I needed a Psych evaluation, a one hour appointment with a Nutritionist, Lab work, and an EKG. I did all of that in one day. Next, I just had to wait for my Insurance Authorization which takes 4-6 weeks. My Insurance paid 90% of the costs associated with the surgery. The Insurance Authorization came through right around Thanksgiving. At that point, I was given my surgery date: January 3rd. Next, I needed to set one more appointment with the Surgeon's office to see how much weight I had lost pre surgery and to go over all the before and after surgery instructions. My appointment was set for December 23rd and I was so nervous to get on the scale. I knew I had been watching what I ate, but I also knew how easy it was to gain weight without knowing it. I was worried that if I gained weight rather than lose weight since my last office visit that Dr Vierra would postpone my surgery thinking I wasn't ready or committed. To my relief, when I stepped on the scale, it was revealed that I had lost 14 lbs. I didn't quite make my 10% goal, but the Doctor was still satisfied and I was happy.
Getting tired now...more tomorrow...
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