January 6th, 2012-aka:Cry Me A River

Second day home from the hospital.  Feeling no pain other than kind of like I had been kicked in the stomach.  The bruises on the back of both arms and on my stomach looked like I had been beaten with a tire iron but they weren't painful.  I developed a water filled blister above one of my incision sites from where the surgical tape had lifted and rubbed back and forth against the skin.

My Mom made some bean soup and ran it through the blender.  It tasted okay but wasn't really ringing any bells.  I just didn't really have any desire to eat and had to force myself to get out of bed to do it.  That was hard, because as I said in a previous post I am ALWAYS freezing since the surgery but I was told that I have to eat sitting up with both feet on the floor.  So everytime I need to eat or drink anything I would need to get up, put on a robe, slippers and sometimes also a blanket and sit up in a chair.  Since it takes forever to eat even 2 oz of food, all I could do is sit there and shiver and pray that I could get the food down slowly enough to not upset my stomach but fast enough that I could get back under the covers.

I was still having a very tough time emotionally. Someone could tell me the sky was blue and it would set off a Defcon Five river of tears.  I have likened this whole process to bringing home a newborn baby.  There are a lot of tears, a lot of trial and error, a lot of measuring the fluid and food intake in ounces to see how much is being consumed, some sleep disturbed nights, some hoping that peeing and pooping is happening with the correct frequency and a whole lot of guessing if you're doing everything right while settling into a new routine.  A new normal, as the title of my blog suggests.

I spoke to my Mom on Day 2 out of the hospital and she asked how I was feeling.  I said I was feeling okay but a little blue.  She said, "Why don't you try getting out of bed, taking a shower, getting dressed, putting on some makeup and fixing your hair.  I bet that will make you feel better."   I sat there stunned for about 1.1 second before I burst into tears.  WAS SHE JOKING ME????  I ended up having to hang up because I could not stop crying.  My poor Mom.  She was only trying to help.    Better build an Ark, Noah.  These tears aren't stopping anytime soon.