Grieving and Support

It's kind of weird to say but I think the mental and emotional aspect of this whole process has been a grieving, of sorts.  My relationship with food is forever changed and though I didn't consider myself to have an addition or an unhealthy relationship with food before, my scale begged to differ.

The emotional waterworks somewhat subsided by the third day home from the hospital.  I think I only had one small crying jag on day three and it was after a movie (love story) with a happy ending, so I can't really be blamed.  It's been absolutely gorgeous Spring-like weather every day in January here in California and yet I continue to be cold all.of.the.time.  I spoke to an acquaintance who has had the RNY surgery and she said she was cold for about 5 months.  Crap.

My Husband took two weeks off work to take care of me and he's done a great job.  I don't really need much caring for but it's nice to have him here to drive the kids to/from school, deal with the homework and dinners for them.  I've really been able to just relax and recuperate and for that, I am very grateful.

Terry has come by almost every night after work and I honestly don't know how I could have done this without her.  There is something about her that just "gets" me and she can read my mind if I have anxiety about anything or if I just need someone to listen and truly understand what I am saying, she is my go-to person.

My Sister, Tara has checked on me every day and I miss her very much.  She used to live next door to me for many years until this past year when she moved to be with her Fiance and now lives about an hour away so I don't get to see her every day like I used to.

My Sister In Law, Yanci has truly been wonderful too, with advice, love and support.

My Mom and Dad are incredible and any Girl should be so blessed.  They just left after coming to walk with me.  The day of my surgery they sat in the hospital for more than 13 hours!  Their love and support has made this whole journey possible.  Because of them I have a chance to really change my life and lead the life I was meant for.  Words will never be able to express my gratitude.

To anyone considering any type of weight loss surgery, your support people are imperative.  This is too big an undertaking to do alone.  You need a village of people behind you every step of the way.  Some people choose to keep their surgery private.  I understand and respect that decision but for me, I told absolutely EVERYONE who would listen.  I told the mailman!  I told the grocery store clerk!  I told my kids school teachers!  I felt it was an important part of my own process to not hide any of this and to say, "Hey, I tried everything, but I needed another tool in my toolbelt."  To my amazement, I have amassed a giant additional support team of people who are cheering for me.  People who really want to come along on this journey with me and see me succeed.  It means the world to me.  On our walk the other day, my Mom and I passed an elderly couple and as they approached us on the path, the man looked at me and said, "Hi!!!!"  I said, "Hello!" and he said, "You look great!!!"  After they had passed, my Mom said, "Do you know him?"  Without missing a beat I said, "No, but he probably reads my Blog.  I might get kind of famous around here.  You might want to get used to it."  :)

I have a few challenges to face this weekend:  I am going to a dance party on Friday night at a local bar and I have decided that my Husband will order soft fish for dinner and I will have a very small piece of it and see how I do.  If not, I will hopefully be able to order a cup of soup.  Saturday, I am going to another event and I am not certain what type of food will be provided and if it will be anything I can have.  I haven't decided how to handle this yet.  Sunday, I have to atttend a Memorial Service and I will be gone from the house from about 11am-5pm and again, I have no idea about food.  I am definitely going to have to think this through.

I feel good today, on Day 8.  I have lost 13lbs since surgery and 28lbs in total over the past 3 months.  My ankles, fingers and wrists are the most noticeable, but today while we were walking, my Mom was behind me and she said, "Deana, your butt looks much smaller already!"   She didn't see me grin, but it really is the little things.