Thirst

Kinda of a rough day today, for a variety of reasons.  It was nice to be back to work because I did miss my girls and they did a great job of handling things so I didn't come back to a huge backlog.  Getting back into a routine is going to be important but it definitely makes things much more challenging on the food front.  I took a protein drink for breakfast and I just could not choke it down.  It is so thick and it was making me nauseaus.  I know I have mentioned it before but I am so thirsty all the time and it is absolutely making me postal.  I just want to grab a gallon of water and chug it.  But..I can't. I take sips all day long, but it's like an itch I can't scratch.  I must admit it's making me grumpy.  Or...it might have something to do with the arrival of a certain monthly visitor.  Or...maybe it's the fact that I feel like I can't eat anything normal or with flavor. Or..maybe it had to do with the fact that it's going to be TWENTY FOUR degrees tonight and I have already mentioned how I am always freezing even when it's 70 degrees!!  I just kind of want to cry.  Yep...imagine that!  Here come the waterworks again.  On top of all that craptacularness, I also inadvertantly hurt the feelings of someone very, very dear to me.  Add that all up and you have a recipe for disaster.  This too shall pass and I know it will all be okay, but I'm having a moment and I just need to wake up tomorrow and try to do better.

Had a hard time meeting my protein requirements over the weekend.  Saturday, I attended a surprise party and they had a taco bar (kill me now! MY FAVORITE!!)  I had a tiny bit of beef and a tiny bit of beans.  That's it.  I felt okay about it.  Went to my Mom's and she was serving chicken enchiladas, rice, beans and homemade brownies w/walnuts (kill me again!)  At least I am never hungry so it wasn't as difficult as it sounds.  Sunday, I tried a poached egg again and it seems eggs and I are no longer friends.  Everytime I try an egg it doesn't end well.  I end up feeling really nauseaus and uncomfortable.  Same thing with anything tomato based.  I went to a Memorial Service that ran much longer than expected and we needed to get back immediately afterward so I didn't eat anything else until about 6pm.  (some pinto beans and cheese).  Not good.  Same kind of thing kind of happened today when I was unable to drink the breakfast drink, didn't eat again until 1pm when I had a couple bites of a white bean and kale soup (disgusting) and didn't eat again until about 7pm (chicken, lemon juice, salt, pepper).  No bueno.  I will be so happy when I can actually eat somewhat normal food again.  I miss flavor.  

I'm sorry that this entry is kind of negative.  As I said, I am feeling kinda grumpy and I am thinking about food and it's pissing me off.  It's not because I'm hungry.  It's just because I miss feeling normal.  You know?  I was watching "Kim and Kourtney..." last night and I swear that every single scene was them eating.  I kept pointing it out to Morgan and I am not joking it was literally every scene.  I hate that I notice stuff like that now.  I am so jealous because I want to be normal and eat a damned corned beef sandwich if I fucking feel like it!  

That being said, I KNOW this will all be worth it.  In fact, it already is.  And....I will leave you on a positive note:  Today, I bought TWO new pairs of shoes.